Mama Of The Month
Meet our third Mama of the Month, Sonia Bahalani aka as @pelvicpaindoc! Here at TSB, we want to develop a community of supportive, inclusive and strong mamas. Each month we will be featuring a different mama with a unique story. Keep reading to learn all about this month’s Mama, Sonia.
After completing her residency in OB/GYN at New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center, Dr. Sonia Bahlani pursued a fellowship in the urology department working with pioneers in pelvic pain. Training in both areas gives her a unique, comprehensive foundation and has allowed her to treat women with a variety of urologic and gynecologic pelvic pain syndromes. Through her training, Dr. Bahlani is able to take a holistic view of common women’s health issues. She takes a compassionate, patient-centric approach and listens to her patients to gain a deep understanding of their challenges.
In her efforts to bring the topics of pelvic pain and women’s sexual health out from behind closed doors and find real, proven solutions for those in pain, Dr. Bahlani continues to be involved in research and has presented at numerous conferences, as well as being published in top national and international journals.
Describe your first pregnancy experience. What did you enjoy and not enjoy?
My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. My second pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage. My third pregnancy gave me my beautiful son Liam. Truthfully, he was the rainbow after the storm so there wasn’t a single part of my pregnancy with him that I didn’t enjoy. No, just kidding. That’s a lie. I didn’t enjoy when I got PUPPS with the itchiest rash I’ve ever gotten in my life and literally begged to be delivered, to which he decided to arrive an entire week after his due date. Fashionably late just like mommy I guess.
What did you least expect during your pregnancies?
I least expected to feel so connected to something I had never met yet.
What do you wish you knew about the pregnancy, but did not?
That’s a tough one because I am an OB_GYN by training. I wish I knew how real the first and really third-trimester exhaustion one. I’ve always heard of women saying they were “so tired” but I didn’t realize that it literally meant that they felt like they got hit by a truck and couldn’t move because that’s what it felt like to me.
What were your greatest challenges during your postpartum period?
Gosh well, I was the first one out of my friends to get pregnant and have a baby. So with that, I felt a lot of loneliness and isolation. I’m a type-A kind of person (as you may or may not be able to tell) so I put a lot of pressure and weight on nursing. Not understanding that there are some things that you can’t just do “perfectly” that it can be messy and hard, and something I would have little control over especially in the beginning.
Give us three pieces of advice you would wish to share with other moms, it can be regarding anything pregnancy or postpartum!
You’re not alone. In anything you feel or do post-partum or during pregnancy. Guaranteed you’re not the first and only person to experience what you are going through. So lean on others. Don’t try to be a hero.
Parenting is hard. Like really hard. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Try to be cognizant of the fact that we are all learning in this process. But it is one of the most fun and rewarding parts of life.
Let it go. Let it go. Listen to Elsa. She’s right. You have to let a lot of s *** go. In order to keep your sanity. Your family’s sanity and to live a life where you are consistently dynamic and learning. Progress> perfection always!
What was the biggest lesson you learned between having your second child and your first?
That my type A-ness wont rear any better of a child. That being the best “mom” is not defined by how closely my kids followed “nap time schedules” or met milestones. That enjoying them in that very moment was the best thing that I could do both for them and for myself.
Given your lengthy educational commitment, how did you decide on the “best” time to have kids? Did you feel the typical pressures that come with a medical profession?
I waited until I finished my training to have kids. I felt a pressure within myself. Especially after having two miscarriages. I blamed myself. I wondered if my focus on my career that effected my journey to motherhood. Ultimately, everything in life comes with a price. Im thankful today for having two healthy boys you have made me more than just a mother.
How do you “balance” your career while taking care of your family and two boys?
Balance. Heck no. I mean to me balance is not something we find. Its something we create. I’m constantly juggling and messing up. Im constantly changing what I prioritize because “balance” is all about mindset. Its more about how I feel about myself, rather than the boxes I check. Not really about what Im doing but more about how Im doing it. I try to consistently check in with where I am now, and where I want to be, and make sure that the areas of my life that often need more attention, receive that extra nourishing.
After completing your OB/GYN residency, what made you pursue an unconventional (but,much needed) path to become a pelvic pain specialist?
Fate. I always joke that I didn’t choose my career, it chose me. The truth is that it did. I finished my residency at NYP-Cornell exhausted. Jaded. Burnt out. I questioned my role in medicine. Thankfully, I was a great resident (all that type A ness paid off in this sense) so one of my old chiefs said: “hey I know this urologist who works with pelvic pain patients”. She said, “ I don’t think he’s looking for a fellow though.” And I responded, “yet.” We met, we shared the same vision of patient-centered rather than problem-centered care. I did my fellowship under him and then stayed on as his partner for almost 6 years in academics until I decided to start my own practice.
As you strive to enable women to spend less time in pain and gain the tools they need to live their lives to the fullest, tell us about your experience postpartum. Did you personally experience pelvic pain?
This is a great question. So the answer quite simply is no, not like my patients do. However, I always like to try everything I recommend. So I went to see and understand how physical therapy can be beneficial for patients with pelvic pain. Well, she examined me and low and behold I have “trigger points” you see this term mentioned all over my Instagram and posts so look it up. Basically they were latent so sure I guess I had a form of pelvic floor issues I never knew about. But truthfully, Im invested in this issue because its my lifes work. I spent hours researching, writing papers and taking care of patients who suffer. Who wouldn’t be personally invested in this?
Do you ever experience mom guilt? What causes this and how do you remedy it (because,we get it, it never really goes away.)
ALL. THE. TIME. In fact, I think its healthy. If something matters to you, you are going to think and worry about it. It means, it matters. I remedy it by reminding myself that “I am enough.” By looking and spending time with my beautiful boys and watching them grow. And by leaning on my amazing support system of my husband, parents, family and friends, because truthfully, it takes “a village.”
Do you feel there is room for improvement in pregnancy and postpartum information and care in North America?
Oh my gosh yes. Don’t we all. We are failing ourselves by not providing mothers the resources they need. There are a wealth of untapped resources that we as a community have to rely on. This is partly my goal with which I started my social media presence. This goes beyond simply 6,12,18 weeks of maternity leave. It involves a wealth of knowledge and support that we lack. We must do more. NOW.
You can find more information about her on her website and on social media @pelvicpaiddoc. We are honored to have the opportunity to have featured Dr. Bahalani!