Mama Of The Month
DR. NARMDA KUMAR
Meet our FIRST Mama of the Month, Narmda Kumar! Here at TSB, we want to develop a community of supportive, inclusive and strong mamas. Each month we will be featuring a different mama with an unique story. Keep reading to learn all about this May’s Mama, Narmda.
“Hi, My name is Narmda Kumar Patel and I am a Chiropractor, Mamma to a 2.5 year old son Kiaan and a 1 year old daughter Aria, Wife to a Pharmacist, dog mom to Harrison (our 110 lb lab mix) and a Breast Cancer survivor. I love to travel the world every chance that I get, exercise, read and organize!”
Describe your first pregnancy experience. What did you enjoy and not enjoy?
I LOVED being pregnant! I know a lot of women can not say the same, but my first pregnancy was so easy. I barely had any symptoms, I didn’t gain any weight (only 25 lbs) and I felt gorgeous! Ha! They say when you are pregnant with a boy you skin glows, and my definitely did 🙂 The thing I didn’t enjoy was my feet swelling around 35 weeks. I worked until I gave birth and the swelling made it SO hard to put on my shoes and work.
What did you least expect during pregnancy?
The unknown! I had no idea the restrictions about food, the number of doctor appointments and how much your body changes!! My breasts were so sore the entire time and grew 3x their normal size. I also didn’t know you couldn’t sleep in certain directions (for example, it’s favorable to sleep on the left for blood flow) and how out of breathe you get doing such little tasks. I had to modify all my workouts (I am lucky that I am a chiro so I know how to modify) , but wish I had some help in regards to what exercises would help me post pregnancy and during rather than having to do my research!
What do you wish you knew about the pregnancy, but did not?
I wish I knew how hard it would be to give up alcohol, lol. I know that sounds so lame, but when you don’t have kids, your entire social life revolves around eating out and drinking and since I couldn’t I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I also wish I knew how many symptoms your body could experience but they all mean nothing and the minute you give birth they will go away. For example, hip soreness. I had the worst round ligament pain towards the end of my pregnancy and I kept thinking I injured my hips. No one tells you about the possible symptoms you will experience until you get them and mention them to your OB. I wish they gave you a list of most common pregnancy symptoms so you knew nothing was wrong and that it would go away with time.
What were your greatest challenges during your postpartum period?
I didn’t get to really experience a first postpartum since I, unfortunately, was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer a month after my son was born. The emotions were a roller coaster, not once did I think I was going to die. But, I kept asking myself how I would take care of a new baby and take care of myself. It was the most emotional aspect to date and I still get emotional thinking about that period of my life.
Do you ever experience mom guilt? What causes this and how do you remedy it (because we get it, it never really goes away).
YES! ALL THE TIME. I have a great partner that encourages me to take time away and do my self care. But, regardless of where I go or what I am doing, I always have it in the back of my head that I should be home taking care of my littles. I think for me it’s caused because I am so overbearing when it comes to my kids. I think I am the only person that can give them what they need when they need it. I always talk myself out of it and realize that they are kids they are humans and grandparents, their father and our friends know what to do as well. I keep telling myself if I take time away from them I will be a better mom because of it and that helps that mom guilt go away. At least for the time being, that is.
Give us three pieces of advice you would wish to share to other moms, it can be regarding pregnancy or postpartum!
1. You will have SO many symptoms when you are pregnant (pains, aches, nausea, cramping, you name it ) its is ALL normal!
2. Postpartum is so hard. Lean on your husband, your parents anyone that wants to help. Because you will need it. You have to let your body heal and that takes time
3. Being pregnant is so magical as cliché as this is going to sound – embrace it. Enjoy that bump, wear the tight clothes to show it off and just have fun. We are growing a human and it is so amazing what our bodies can do.
What was the biggest lesson you learned between having your second child and your first?
1 kid is SO easy and 2 kids is a game changer. Besides my diagnosis and everything we had to deal with, Kiaan was and still is the easiest kid. Little did we know after having 2 you have literally no time for anything. Since our kids are so close in age at every second either one needs us or the other. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to give up the time with my first because clearly the younger one needs their mom more. It is a learning curve for all. My biggest advice is keeping telling yourself it will get easier, because it does. 🙂
Give us three pieces of advice you would wish to share to other moms of multiples!
1. It will get easier, just take it day by day.
2. Take time for yourself, whether it is waking up early, or doing stuff after they go to sleep. It is so necessary. Multiple kids take out all your energy but save some for yourself because it will make you a better mamma.
3. Take time to play/read and just be present with each kid separately. It took me almost a year to learn this! I would always do things with both kids at the same time. But kids know when you are spending time with just them. Being present is key to helping each kid understand that they are important.
Your story is truly inspiring, can you describe your experience with battling cancer all while adjusting to a newborn baby and life?
It was terrible. It was the hardest, most emotional most challenging part of my life. I thought being a new mom would be hard but having cancer and everything that came with it turned my perfect world upside down. I was lucky because Kiaan was an easy baby. He was sleeping 12 hours at 2 months old, he was adjusting to any changes we brought on him like a champ. I put my main focus on his schedule and his needs which made me forget what I was dealing with. I leaned on grandparents SO much, they helped us during the day at night whenever I needed them and that made it so much easier.
Ask anyone and they will tell you that breastfeeding is challenging. You not only were able to do it but had to abruptly wean due to the new medication. Describe your experience with establishing supply, then immediately weaning.
Breastfeeding was SO amazing and came to my body so naturally – from the 9 weeks I was able to do it. I enjoyed it for the bond, the ease and the supply. I read a lot before I had Kiaan on what to do to establish supply etc and made lactation bites that I started eating 3 days postpartum. The right nutrients help build your supply. There are so many great foods out there that are proven to boost milk supply and they definitely work. With Aria (since I was only able to breastfeed from one breast – I did it for 7 weeks) I did the same to establish milk supply and it worked!
Weaning is literally the most painful thing ever. Worse than giving birth, lol. I had to use Tylenol around the clock for 3 days, cabbage leaves and a very tight sports bra. It was so painful but had to be done. It took 3 days to stop all the milk and I hope no other mamma has to do this as abruptly as I had to!
We know that when it comes to the body, you have been active since you were young (an
avid yogi!). How did movement and exercise mentally help you through this trying time?
OMG, so much! I love exercising and my favorite is of course yoga! It helped me escape my reality and focus on my body. We all know movement is life and adding an increase in blood flow and oxygen and it leaves you feeling like a new person. I gave birth to both of my kids unmedicated with very short labors. I attribute that to doing yoga and exercise throughout my entire pregnancy. Chemotherapy takes a crazy toll on your body but doing yoga during this time helped my body heal and keep it in good health since it was going through so much.
What advice do you have to give other mothers who go through trying times while transitioning to motherhood?
Just remember this, it will pass. Nothing stays forever, but you’re being a mom will. I kept my focus on being a new mom and enjoying everything Kiaan was doing and that helped me keep my focus on the positive. Motherhood is hard, life obstacles are hard. But keep a positive outlook and being present will help you transition through anything. After all, aren’t all moms superheroes – we can get through anything!
It just so happens that we interviewed you the month of May, when you seemed to have crossed a large milestone, your LAST radiation session was on May 9th! Describe how that felt, knowing the journey you endured.
May 9th is my Cancer-versary. I will be 2 years cancer free this month and I still can’t believe what I went through. Being done with ALL treatments related to Cancer was so surreal. This day brings back the best and worst memories of my first year of motherhood. I was lucky to be done with cancer, a lot of breast cancer patients can’t say the same because they have to continue some sort of treatments for life. For me, to be done was a way of telling myself it has passed and I can now move on. The fact that I am 2 years cancer free this month and that I have 2 kids is something I am SO proud of. I had planned out my life in a way that I would have had 2 kids by now and I didn’t let Cancer change those plans. It was an obstacle of life and I am so happy to be a survivor.
How do you balance work, being a wife and a mom?
Oh man, I struggle with this every day. Being a mom is amazing and being a wife is wonderful. Each day when I get up I make a mental note of all the things I want to do so I can fulfill each of those roles. I don’t let one role trump the other because they are all important. When I crave out time for each of roles, mother, wife and Chiro – it leaves them all balanced and fulfilled. If I don’t feel like I gave it my all to one of them, I make sure to make it up the next day. It is always a work in progress!
What is your form of self-care? We all know, we need it!
My favorite form of self care is working out. All I need is 30 minutes each day to myself to do some yoga. Once I do yoga, my day is instantly better and I am a happier mom and wife. My husband knows from experience to always give me my 30 minutes. I am a creature of habit so I have this terrible way of dealing with adapting. If I am supposed to work out every day at 9am and it doesn’t go as planned I don’t adapt very easily. I am learning that being a mother of 2 things will always change and you just have to do with the flow 🙂
We LOVE Narmda’s story, she is hardworking, resilient and an inspiration to all of us! To learn more about her battle with cancer, being a mother of two and wife head to her blog!
Have a mama you love? To send in a feature consideration please #TSBMama and #MamaoftheMonth on Instagram or DM us!